The last two weeks have been all about a loss of control. My daughter’s loss of control over her situation as the “Team” has finally come together to provide a framework for consistent messaging, consistent responses and expectations. In two weeks she as only gone missing once and there was a definite external trigger for that which is a huge and quite frankly unexpected improvement. Up to this point her mantra was to try and control everyone with threats of self-harm, threats of legal action, threats of disappearing…all because she doesn’t want to be where she is, but at the same time she doesn’t know where she wants or needs to be. The paranoid delusions were running the show.
I’m taking down all my enemies ’cause they’re all so fucking useless
A bunch of shit talking drama queens and they’re all filled with excuses
I wanna find me a better scene where it’s not the same opinion
I’d rather go to a funeral than to this high school reunion
We’re all crazy, you’re all crazy now
Well we’re so crazy, you’ve all gone insane
Loss of control, loss of control
Green Day…
My daughter’s lawyer has lost some control because the group has collectively singled her out as part of the problem and pointed out that she isn’t helping. Perhaps she has been shamed into backing off, perhaps she now realizes that she is doing more harm than good…quite frankly I don’t know and I don’t care. She will never be on “our side”, but as long as she is not actively contributing to the chaos I have no choice but to live with it.
The interesting thing is that by losing control, my daughter seems to have gained some control over herself and her behaviors. The running has stopped and in the short-term she has become calmer and more settled. She has had a couple of positive interactions with us, she is talking about re-engaging in some sports that she loved…school is still rocky, but progress is progress.
We haven’t gained control, but we haven’t lost it either so we will take that as a win. The situation “is what it is” and whether you want to call it understanding the serenity prayer or radical acceptance we are inching forward on the mental health front. Our family is going through a different crisis right now because when shit happens it seems to happen to us….but that’s a topic for another day.
She Ain't Crazy...She's My Daughter 